international Women's Day 2024 #iwd24 #InclusionInspire

  * TRIGGER WARNING *

This real-life survivor story contains references on domestic abuse, coercion and control and mental health.

1. Why have you chosen to participate in this campaign?

I’ve decided to participate in this campaign because I want to give hope and inspiration to other women by using my voice for those who might not be in a position to use theirs. 

2. What would you like to gain from this interview?

I want to be a part of a supportive community whilst making a positive impact on other women. 

3. How has your life been impacted by experiences of abuse? 

I existed in an extremely controlling relationship for 3 years, every aspect of my life was controlled; he would time me when I went to the toilet, I couldn’t even have a bath alone and the only place I could go on my own was shopping and then I was bombarded with phone calls and text messages. I was isolated from friends and family, he locked me in the flat we shared together and threw my mobile phone out of the 7th floor window. When I escaped 2 days later the first place I went was my workplace, I made my disclosure and was instantly sacked.

In 2006 he hit me for the last time as I held our 10 month old daughter in my arms, splitting open my lip. It was then I knew I had to leave, for her sake. 

In 2009 I set up Survivors of Domestic Abuse (SODA) an online support group for those who have experienced domestic abuse to come together without judgment. I have dedicated my life to raising awareness and supporting others, through social media, the media and blogging.

I’ve recently set up my new business called Stronger Beginnings which provides bespoke packages for professionals and businesses, with a focus on coercive control, the 8 stage homicide timeline and the impact of domestic abuse.

4. What support is available to you? Ie. Local DA organisations, work, friends?

I have a wonderful network of friends and cheerleaders who support me and are always at the end of the phone should I need them.

5. Do you know of any other women in your network who have endured non-intimate partner, or partner abuse? 

Sadly, I know of many women who have endured non-intimate partner, or partner abuse. Once we start these conversations it’s deeply concerning how many other women open up and share their experience.

6. Why do you think women refrain from speaking up about their experiences?

I think there are many different reasons why women refrain from speaking about their experiences but I do believe some of the biggest barriers preventing them from doing so include fear, shame and the fear that they won’t be believed. It’s so important that we try to create a safe and supportive environment where women feel empowered to share their stories without judgement.

7. Do you feel safe socialising with your friends in bars, local sports centres, at work, etc ?

I feel more alert nowadays when out with friends, we always make sure we stay together and we always look out for each other. 

8. What changes do you think the Government or local authorities should implement in order for  women and young girls to feel safer out on the street? 

The safety and wellbeing of women and young girls in public spaces is of the utmost importance and it’s something that we need to work on together to build a world where they feel secure and respected.

The reality is, women and girls safety boils down to funding, or lack of, because the things we need to see implemented are improved street lighting, security personnel on public transport and well-designed pathways that minimizes secluded areas.

We also need to see more comprehensive education in schools and communities about consent, boundaries and respectful behaviour. 

9. Since the pandemic, there has been a huge increase in the reported number of cases of DA, as  well as trying to survive through covid-19. Millions of people are struggling with their mental  and physical well-being. What activities do you enjoy doing which you find calming and/or  fun?

Lockdown and covid had a huge impact on my mental health but nowadays I like to meditate, go for walks, write in my journal, read positive affirmations and practice gratitude. It’s taken me a long time to get to the point in my life knowing the self-care isn’t selfish and that it’s good for you! 

10. If you could give a female friend one piece of advice, what would it be?

Always go with your gut instinct and never change for anyone.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS EXPERIENCING ANY FORMS OF ABUSE, reach out to One Voice My Choice CIC via the online chat message icon, run Monday to Friday 10am – 5pm. 

Alternatively, get in contact with https://www.refuge.org.uk/our-work/forms-of-violence-and-abuse/domestic-violence/domestic-violence-the-facts/.   In an emergency dial 999